My head is throbbing. We are all so sick, so why today are all these thoughts I've had swirling in my addled brain for years finally coming together? Maybe they're not, and it's just the brainfog. I'm so tired of living under the thumb of DCFS. I'm thrilled at the prospect of having our newest daughter adopted, signed and delivered- no strings attached- in two weeks. I look forward to the freedom of living our own life again. Without scrutiny.
1. We need to eat better. Not just the grind-your-own-wheat-take-lots-of-supplements-make-your-own-kefir better... but raw foods at least one meal a day better. I'm tired of being fat. and sick. and run down. I have too much to do to let it get the best of me.
2. I want to do stuff. I'm tired of having my head in my children. Sounds selfish, but I mean it in the purest I adore my children sense. I need to pull my head out of their issues-trauma-birthmom-screwed-them-up-and-now-I-pay-the-price and into my life and loving them as if they had no issues. I'm not quite sure how I am going to do that yet, I am so obssessed with researching the very best for them. Just maybe the very best would be a mom who treats them as if they were normal, instead of desiring them to be healthy?
3. When I accomplish #2. If I accomplish #2. I'd like to write more. Learn photography. Take cooking classes. Learn about the health benefits of eating raw foods. Run again. Sew my daughters lovely dresses. Crochet. Take piano lessons. and just maybe entertain a friend now and again...
I can't help but think a job transfer to Germany is just the boost I need. To get away from here, leave the ties of responsibility behind. Take the kids and beloved and live in freedom. Let my wings heal.
1. We need to eat better. Not just the grind-your-own-wheat-take-lots-of-supplements-make-your-own-kefir better... but raw foods at least one meal a day better. I'm tired of being fat. and sick. and run down. I have too much to do to let it get the best of me.
2. I want to do stuff. I'm tired of having my head in my children. Sounds selfish, but I mean it in the purest I adore my children sense. I need to pull my head out of their issues-trauma-birthmom-screwed-them-up-and-now-I-pay-the-price and into my life and loving them as if they had no issues. I'm not quite sure how I am going to do that yet, I am so obssessed with researching the very best for them. Just maybe the very best would be a mom who treats them as if they were normal, instead of desiring them to be healthy?
3. When I accomplish #2. If I accomplish #2. I'd like to write more. Learn photography. Take cooking classes. Learn about the health benefits of eating raw foods. Run again. Sew my daughters lovely dresses. Crochet. Take piano lessons. and just maybe entertain a friend now and again...
I can't help but think a job transfer to Germany is just the boost I need. To get away from here, leave the ties of responsibility behind. Take the kids and beloved and live in freedom. Let my wings heal.
Then again. Maybe it's just the flu.
2 comments:
I say it's the flu...and cabin fever. Just remember all the fun stuff you all do in the summer outside....maybe start dreaming of this summer on paper while you don't feel good? Look through some seed catalogs with the kids and plan some raised bed gardens?
love you dear friend!
Lori
I think it's neat that you can even post some goals, though. Even when you're down with the flu and beaten down by other things, you're looking forward to where & what you want to be. I admire that.
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